Star Wars Sex Toys And Bondage Gear

Apparently Star Wars Sex toys exist and are available on Etsy and other places. Most of it is BDSM gear too, didn’t know Star Wars was so closely related to the whole bondage scene except for all of the stuff going on in Jabba The Hut’s palace.

star wars obi wan flogger

This is a flogger that is modeled after Obi Wan Kenobi’s light saber, there are literally dozens of these modeled after pretty much every lightsaber from the movies.

darth vader flogger

here’s one that is modeled after Darth Vader’s there are too many of these too post pictures of all of them

C3PO Vibrator

This C3PO vibrator is all kinds of awkward

R2D2 vibrator

An R2D2 vibrator that I guess wraps around your dick? Just what I want a cold metallic ring vibrating on my dong, it better make bleepity bloop noises while it’s doing it, goddamnit.

Darth Invader Vibrator at least has Darth Vaders helmet on it and you can even shove it up your ass, what more does a Star Wars fan need?

Darth Invader Vibrator at least has Darth Vaders helmet on it and you can even shove it up your ass, what more does a Star Wars fan need?

There are plenty of paddles with various Star Wars images on them. Because bludgeoning your lover with a plain old paddle just won't cut it.

There are plenty of paddles with various Star Wars images on them. Because bludgeoning your lover with a plain old paddle just won’t cut it.

Here is a paddle with an Imperial Insignia on it. You can pretend that your lover is a rebel spy and you can beat them for information.

Here is a paddle with an Imperial Insignia on it. You can pretend that your lover is a rebel spy and you can beat them for information.

And while your beating them make sure they are wearing this slave collar with a rebel insignia on it.

And while your beating them make sure they are wearing this slave collar with a rebel insignia on it.

Here is a lightsaber that is either meant to be used as a whip or for insertion, or maybe both? I have no idea.

Here is a lightsaber that is either meant to be used as a whip or for insertion, or maybe both? I have no idea.

Here is a homemade lightsaber whip that lights up. Who would make such a thing?

Here is a homemade lightsaber whip that lights up. Who would make such a thing?

This sexy motherfucker, that's who!

This sexy motherfucker, that’s who! Come play with him in his elaborate Star Wars themed BDSM dungeon/garage please! Somebody? Anybody? He’ll pay you, of course he will!

I am guessing that these are a blindfold and restraints. They are just made out of material that has Star Wars printed on it, that seems kind of lazy to me.

I am guessing that these are a blindfold and restraints. They are just made out of material that has Star Wars printed on it, that seems kind of lazy to me. And would kind of kill the whole mood and experience for me. 

No Star Wars themed BDSM dungeon is complete without a latex Darth Vader Gimp Suit. Because disfigured cyborgs are sexy.

No Star Wars themed BDSM dungeon is complete without a latex Darth Vader Gimp Suit. Because disfigured cyborgs are sexy.

ThanksgivingPorn6

Thanksgiving Themed Porn Is A Thing That Exists

I was sitting around trying to think of something to write about Thanksgiving. The Mrs. suggested I write about gross Thanksgiving food, but then Google Image Search gave me some unexpected results. Not really, I just searched for Thanksgiving porn and a bunch of weird shit came up.

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Some of it is pretty tame, there are several galleries of women getting naked then having sex in front of a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. There must be some kind of need for this because there are a lot of these.

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Then there is some more obscure stuff, I found a photo gallery of a shemale Native American having sex with a pilgrim. I sincerely doubt the historical accuracy of this one. Total mood killer.

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This is a still image from the movie “Thanksgiving Lay” which is full of hot naked Native American and Pilgrim action. Most of these Thanksgiving themed porn movies are pretty racist. It is pretty obvious that Native American porn stars don’t exist.

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This lesbian’s bow hunting stance is completely wrong, she clearly has no idea what she is doing. I cannot get into this at all, it’s like they didn’t even bother to have her go through a basic 20 hour bow and arrow training course.

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If you’re into Thanksgiving themed pornography that is completely inaccurate and full of shemales and lesbians feel free to check out these cinematic gems. Seriously, they didn’t even bother using period appropriate clothing, they just went to the Halloween store and ordered all the “Slutty Indian” costumes. So lame.

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I Got Some New Freeloading Cats Awhile Ago

If you may recall, The Dingleberry passed away in February. In June, The Mrs. and I bought a house and got 2 new freeloading cats. They have serious mental health issues.

blind cat, cute cat picture, fake russian blue

This is Linnea, she is mostly blind. She had an untreated eye disease at birth and has a membrane that scarred and covered her eyes. We had the vet remove the membrane but it grew back and she is still pretty blind. She is awesome even if she hits her head on things a lot. She also suckles The Mrs.’s lips like a nipple all the time. She won’t do it to me though because she apparently doesn’t like facial hair.

cute cat picture, cat carving pumpkins, obese cat eats entire pumpkin

This is Elena, she looks and acts just like a male orange tabby cat I used to own named Riley, except she sounds like a pterodactyl. She eats literally anything including electrical cords and phone chargers, just like Riley. Sadly, that is what led to his demise. Here is a picture of her when we were carving pumpkins, she ate the rest of the pumpkin.

incestual lesbians, cats grooming each other, hot lesbian action

They are sisters, they are from the same litter but they totally make out with each other all the time. They are incestual lesbians.

sleepy kittens, sleeping cats

They are lazy freeloaders. They lay around and sleep 80% of the day. I have narcolepsy and I don’t even sleep that much. They spend the rest of their time running around like coked up crack fiends wrestling and breaking things. They don’t even have any money to replace the things that they break, plus I have to clean up their poop.

cats in tutus, cute cat picture

Here they are in their Halloween costumes. We got them both a tutu because that is pretty much the only thing we could get on them without being clawed to death. I plan on taking them trick or treating and pretending like they are human babies dressed up in very realistic cat costumes so I can get some free candy. I hope my plan works. If it doesn’t I will have to go to the store and buy some candy November first when it is on clearance.

Strange Craigslist Ads

Here’s a collection of the weirdest Craigslist ads out there. There were plenty of strange ones to choose from.

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Fun fact: This woman’s real name is Donald Waelde and he was arrested and charged with bestiality.

 

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JOwtfguy

 

 

 

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The Dingleberry Reviews Strange Foods

The Mrs. spent the weekend visiting her sister in Southern Ohio. She brought me back some food from Jungle Jim’s International Market in Cincinnati.

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As the box says these are Bacon and Cheese Flavored Crickets. They had many different flavored crickets to choose from but the Mrs. knows what I like.

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Many of the crickets were missing legs and antennae, they fell off after packaging though and are collected at the bottom of the wrapper, I will eat those last. They didn’t have a lot of taste to them, they had a light bacon and cheese flavor to them but overall they had a little bit of a nutty taste them. They had a nice crunch to them as well.

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The next item is chocolate flavored candy with ants in it. It was white chocolate with chocolate drizzles and the little black things are the ants. I really couldn’t see or taste the ants but there was a bit of a crunch whenever I bit into one of them. These were pretty good, it just tasted like candy. The ants they used were also pretty tiny. I’ve eaten plain ants before, they don’t really have much of a taste to them at all.

The Mrs. also got me a loaf of banana bread, I am saving that for tomorrow. I didn’t take a picture of it because it didn’t contain any insects.

Well If This Isn’t The Creepiest Thing Ever

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This is a hornet’s nest that is fused with a creepy wooden statue. It is a hornet’s nest with a face. It is hard to tell where the statue ends and the hornet’s nest begins. Sleep well tonight.

 

Link to Huffington Post article where I stole the picture. 

I Almost Tried Beezin Before It Was Cool

Beezin is something that kids today are into, apparently. It involves rubbing Burt’s Bees Lip Balm on your eyes to get high. Burt’s Bees contains peppermint oil which causes inflammation and burning sensations when it comes in contact with certain parts of your body. Supposedly this reaction makes you feel drunk or high when you get it in your eyes. But that is pretty stupid because you can cause permanent damage to your eyes if you keep using it.

burtsbeelipbalm

Honestly can never say I ever thought about rubbing this in my eyes. Which makes me wonder how this whole craze got started.

 

Anyway, here is the weird way in which I almost tried Beezin. The Mrs. has a bottle of pure peppermint oil, you can by this stuff online (for now). It is a natural headache remedy, you put a few drops on your head and the scent is supposed to relieve headaches. You can also add it to your bath water for a relaxing effect. The Mrs. is also secretly really into Beezin (just kidding). So, I was adding some of this peppermint oil to the bathtub and I accidentally spilled some on my hands. She told me you could only add about 5 drops to the tub because if you put too much in you will feel like your skin is burning off. Like an idiot I touched my mouth after I spilled some of it on me and felt like my mouth was on fire for several minutes. I immediately washed my hands after that because I was afraid of getting it in my eyes, but apparently I also prevented myself from getting high like a bunch of preteens.

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They sell this at GNC, pretty soon kids will probably be pouring the whole bottle in their eyes and going completely blind. There is a pretty big disclaimer on the bottle warning about contact with eyes. The stupid things people do to get a cheap high.