Why Are Car Commercials So Annoying

I have to say that there is nothing more annoying than radio commercials. Every day that I drive to work there’s usually only talk radio on in the morning. I have to listen to a classic rock station that plays a lot of oldies just to be able listen to music on the radio in the morning. The worst part is, there are like 5 to 7 minute long commercial breaks thrown in at least twice during a 30 minute drive. I swear radio commercial breaks have been getting longer and longer. And at least half of the commercial break is fucking car commercials. I don’t know when it was decided that all car commercials had to be as loud and as annoying as humanly possible, but at some point it became a rule. And every new commercial that comes out is louder and more awful than the ones before them. It is even worse when they try to rhyme as much as possible and throw in things about popular culture like giving their sales associates Lord of the Rings nicknames.

Here is a TV ad for one of my local places that has the worst ads. Their TV ads are even worse than the radio ones. This one features people in bird costumes because the “early bird gets the worm”. Get it? Ugh..

My Rant On The Easter Bunny

The Easter Bunny is the creepiest mythological holiday creature. He is a giant bunny that gives eggs filled with candy to children on Easter. That doesn’t even make sense, if he is delivering eggs, he should be something that lays eggs like a chicken, a fish, or a frog. That would be kind of cool. Plus he breaks into your house and gives kids candy. Why is he giving them candy? To lore them into the bunny hole so he can molest them? Plus all the Easter Bunnies at the mall are creepy.

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Bunnies are cute, the Easter Bunny is a giant man-rabbit hybrid that looks like a Yeti with floppy ears. Yeti’s eat children, they don’t bring them baskets of candy and toys. The Easter Bunny also brings children less toys than they get on their birthday and Christmas, unless they’re rich, because the Easter Bunny is a stingy asshole. Plus you have to leave decorated colored eggs for him or else he will take your eldest born children or something because of Passover.

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The Easter Bunny is basically a giant dick, and he might be Satan. Satan should be the Mythological Holiday Creature for Easter, or Zombie Jesus. Both are still less creepy.

 

Today is also Good Friday. I don’t understand why it’s called Good Friday because it is supposed to be the day that Jesus was crucified. I thought killing Jesus was supposed to be a bad thing. Shouldn’t it be called Bad Friday?

WTF I Don’t Even Understand These

The Mrs. found this product on pinterest and it just baffles me. I don’t even understand how they work or how somebody would wear these things. It is one sided underwear from a brand named JQK. I have tried to find some information on how these work and how you wear them but haven’t been able to find any. It just looks really uncomfortable. Plus it looks like it straps directly through your asscheeks and around your junk. Plus every picture of the same dude with a brown Vanilla Ice hairdo showing a little bit of pube stubble while posing awkwardly. Apparently he is the only model that understands how to put these on. They look godawful but they also cost less than $7 a piece, and on ebay if you buy 2 you get 5%. I am just disturbed by this.

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I Want To Put On Fuzzy Penis Slippers And Eat Chicken Pizza Crust

My 7 year wedding anniversary is coming up in less than a month and I have been trying to figure out what to get the Mrs. and what she is getting me, plus what to do for dinner.

It has come to my attention that Domino’s is making pizzas with chicken for crust instead of dough, so that means I’ve got our anniversary dinner covered.

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My only complaint is that they don’t really look like pizzas, it is like a foot long piece of chicken with cheese, marinara, and pizza toppings on it. They sound pretty tasty but they should be shaped like pizzas. I trust that they will figure it out eventually and this is just a test run.

Anyway, I totally hope that I am getting these slippers.

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They look super warm and comfortable and they let people know that you mean business. Nothing says “Im important” more than walking around your neighborhood with giant pink erect penis slippers with questionably placed and erratic pubic hair.

Costumes That Men Should Never Wear

There are some Halloween costumes that men should just never wear.

Unicorn Costumes
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Body Paint, especially nude body paint.

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Whatever the hell is going on here

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Male Blow Up Doll Costumes

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Turkey costumes are always disturbing.

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A Florist Is Is Selling KFC Chicken Corsages

There is a florist in Louisville, Kentucky that is selling corsages for $20 that contain a piece of KFC chicken for proms, and weddings, and stuff.  Seriously, it’s a corsage of baby’s breath flowers and a piece of chicken. You can also choose between Original Recipe, Extra Crispy, and Kentucky Grilled Chicken. I can’t tell if it is a joke or not. Here’s a link to the source with a video.  It is kind of a cool idea, but that is expensive for only one piece of chicken. They need to make a bouquet full of drumsticks.

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A Nursing Home In New York Is Being Sued For Hiring Strippers To Dance For Elderly Residents

I saw this story on the news, it’s pretty messed up. A guy in New York was visiting his 85 year old mom in a nursing home and found a picture of a male stripper dancing in front of her in his underwear. He said that his  mother was senile and confused and apparently didn’t understand what was going on. I thought she seemed to be enjoying herself in the picture below. The nursing home admitted that it had hired strippers to dance for their residents for several years and this was the first complaint that they ever received, they also admitted to hiring escorts for their residents. Not really sure how this nursing home got away with doing that. I don’t really see the harm in the stripper thing, especially if the residents enjoy it and are able to consent to it. However if they have severe Alzheimer’s I could see some problems occurring. If I was in a nursing home that hired strippers when I got old that would be kind of awesome.

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You can read the story here.

This Will Be My New Cat

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I am purchasing a new house, when I move in June I am taking a cat that is living outside my sister-in-law’s house. She’s moving and the cat needs a new home. She has lived outside on the deck for a year and her main goal in life is to live inside. Her name used to be Mr. Patterson but they found out that she is a girl so they changed her name to Patterson. Then they started calling her Patty but that just got confusing because my name’s Patrick. So I renamed her Nicky Cage after Nicholas Cage. The Mrs. refuses to call her Nicky Cage and just calls her Nicky. Her name is totally Nicky Cage though. I am super excited to have her move in with us in a couple months.

 

The Weirdest Star Wars Toys I Have Ever Seen: Nude Female Darth Vader Bear Crucifixion Scene

These are the weirdest Star Wars toys I have ever seen and they don’t make any sense. They are being sold at the Thailand Toy Expo. Thailand has some fucked up toys.

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First of all, I have no idea why there are naked chicks wearing giant oversized Darth Vader and Stormtrooper Masks that are shaped like bear heads. The masks are also damaged and appear to have neon living bear faces. Except they also seem to be helmets because you can kind of see a human female head at the base. Plus Star Wars characters aren’t Christians so I don’t understand where the cross and crucifixion fit in with it at all. Plus it is kind of sexy and a totally creepy kind of way. Plus their helmets are the wrong colors. This makes so little sense that it is also kind of awesome.

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They are pretty well detailed except for the lack of nipples.

 

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This is also apparently a two piece set. There is one where they are wearing the correct colors and the masks have bones underneath them which is kind of creepy.

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These toys are limited edition and only available in Thailand, that means they are ridiculously expensive to buy and they aren’t really something most people could display in their homes. But they are kind of awesome anyway. All Pictures from TOYSREVIL

 

 

A Naked Woman Went On A Rampage In A McDonalds And It Was Kind Of Sad

I almost posted a video the other day about a woman wearing nothing but a thong who went into a McDonalds and broke a bunch of furniture and ate ice cream straight from the machine. I didn’t post it because she obviously had problems and the clerks at McDonalds were a bunch of assholes who were laughing at her and making rude commentary about her. She was arrested after sexually propositioning a cashier, eating french fries and ice cream, and then assaulted the cops and sexually propositioning them when they tried to arrest her. It turns out that she wasn’t on drugs, she was having a bipolar episode, and the whole thing was kind of sad. At least the workers at McDonalds who put the video on the internet were fired and may be in legal trouble as well because the footage was taken from the security cameras and they copied it and added audio commentary. The woman also has kids and takes care of her elderly mother. I am glad  that I didn’t post it, because there is nothing funny about mental illness. Here is a news video that explains what happened