This is something that really grinds my gears, I have never once owned a computer printer that was not a completely useless pile of shit. They can make computers that can outsmart the guy that won Jeopardy, they can make cars that can run almost entirely on batteries, but nobody can make a printer that doesn’t jam?! Seriously!
The printer is nowhere near as complex as say a computer or a Playstation 3, it really only has one main function: to print out a fucking document when you need it. Have you ever noticed that when you really need to print something at the last minute your computer suddenly can’t communicate with the printer? But it works whenever you’re too lazy to write out an address to type into your GPS so you just print out the Google Maps page with the address on it. Great!
How can the computer not communicate to the printer that is literally 12 inches away from it and plugged into it? Forget even trying to get a networked printer to work more than 90% of the time. My last printer was able to load files from an SD card, print photo-quality images, scan, print, and cop! Yet it couldn’t identify a brand new ink cartridge that was made by the same manufacturer, was the correct number cartridge, and was exactly the same as the one that came with the printer. The box that the cartridge came in even said that it worked on my specific model number! I’m not going to mention any names but the manufacturer’s name rhymed with “Kodak”. Never buying another product from them.
Every printer I ever had broke or stopped working for some nonsensical reason within 2 years of purchase. I had a printer that broke from my cat sticking his paw in the paper tray. WTF? Every printer I ever had has either jammed, said it was out of paper when it clearly had 20 pieces of paper loaded in it every time I tried to print a document. Then whenever I have a large document with a bunch of pages to print, the printer decides to suck the entire 20 pages loaded in it in at once and print gibberish on every single page so that I have to throw them all away!
Sometimes I think that there is a little gremlin that gets inside of all of my printers and makes them malfunction just so I will have to shell out another $10o+ for a new one.
I think that everyone can relate to this scene from Office Space:
What you said IS SO TRUE!
The printer that was for my first computer, a Tandy, running Windows 3.1, still works to this day. It had the perforated sides, with the little circles cut out to be sure the paper is in there straight. Was so very loud! Unfortunately when USB ports were discovered, the days of seemless printing went to hell.
Laughed out loud at the part about your printer breaking because your cat stuck its paw in the paper tray…
Clearly, NOT a “cat printer.” Probably more of a “dog printer”…
Printers and cats don’t get along. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSK1D3bZhRs
We’ve had this printer for over four years, and it still works great. Of course, we don’t use it too often. However, I can still relate…
God can I relate. I, too, have experienced printer HELL! Thanks for a fun post on a truly maddening issue————
Kathy
hahah, why do you think they give em free with purchase nowadays… so that others are like… “well it was free”
nice one !
don’t get me started on Kodak. the one i have will not allow you to print if the color cart is low even if the black is fine and vice versa. plus the first one i got from them kept jamming paper and when i called in they said, this needs a downloadabel update. amazing. they say gas prices are going up. talk about expensive, printers ink is so expensive, what is it 10.00 an oz??
I can so relate to this, my mum has a printer which does exactly how you said. If the color cart is low, it wouldn’t even let you print ANYTHING, even if it’s black. Seriously?! This is just insane, printers are just going from bad to worse.
INk is thed most expensive substance on Earth by volume. True. The best printers I have ever owned (used daily at the office) arre HP 4250 and HP 2600 Laser printers. They work 99.5% of the time. Literally zero jams (unless someone breaks their tray and swaps it for your good one) Anyway the ones they make for home seem to be programmed to aggrevate and have the communication issues you describe everytime you are in a hurry. I laughed a big belly laugh at this post! Congrats on FP
AmberLena
I have made the same experience, the only printer that didn’t make want to tear my hair out every time I tried to use it is an HP, the one I have right now. Although I do think it is one made for home use (LaserJet Pro CM1415fnw). It too does that thing where it warns you about toner running low when it’s still about 75% full, but none of that bull where it refuses to print. It actually says in the warning that you can continue to print until you see the quality degrading.
Have used printers from most other major brands, all were a nightmare to use; except OKI, which was okay as well.
I have an awesome 4-function-printer by HP. It does everything without a hitch. AND it cost only $59.00 at the time. I had the top of the line HP, cost a small fortune, and had nothing but troubles. Sometimes, less is just what you need.
http://valentinedefrancis.blogspot.com
I gave up on getting my new wireless printer to work properly about a month after I bought it. I think it’s punishing me for all those full color powerpoints I printed.
This. THIS!!!!!!!!11 *furious clapping* Currently sitting with the 6th? 7th? useless printer in 10 years because it refuses to print black if all the colours aren’t full up. But. But. You HAVE back ink! Print. BLACK. See – “Black ink only” setting? Just black. That’s all I’m asking *sobbing*
Hi,
You are absolutely right. I have never regarded printers in the same way since the following incident: I had an urgent job and needed to complete it one evening. Time ticked on until it reached 9.50pm. Finally finished, I pressed ‘print’ and the blasted thing froze, then started churning out rubbish page after page (after spending all evening behaving perfectly). I nearly had a stroke.
My best printer was, and is, a recon Brother laser flor v little. Seen me thro the years of all the teaching notes/handouts and churns out stuff (saving the odd paper jam) with no complaints or hitches. Had it about 8 or 9 years. Colour inkjet printers – not so much and we’ve been using them since 1994/5. Bought one recently – returned it 3 days later and swapped for one that eats/drinks ink like it’s free and is an exceptionally moody paper picker upper.
Lol love it!
I actually just bought a new printer last week because mine hasn’t been cooperating. :p It was getting to the point that the paper would go halfway in, and then would stop.
Luckily, I got one that’s even better than my old one.
Oh so true. And I’ve worked in the printing industry where the printers are bigger… but sadly, just as stupid. You know what else they can’t right? Photocopiers.
PS. Love Office Space. Best scene ever!
My cousin bought a really expensive printer at the beginning of this school year, and he’s been printing all his stuff off mine ever since. Even after putting like 10 hours into fixing it, he still can’t get it to work (though it scans things just fine).
And mine’s not that much better. If you try to print multiple copies of something, it freezes!
Congrats on being freshly pressed!
This is hilarious! I secretly think this all the time, because I always worry that I’m just too dumb to figure it out!
THIS IS EPIC! I can totally relate to this very thing! Thanks for posting!
I feel the same away about toasters!
Me too! Doesn’t matter how hard I try, or which computer I hook it up to, my toaster will not print a document. I did get the face Che Guevara on a piece of raisin bread once, but my wife ate it while I was looking for my camera.
I had that same printer.. the one that printed gibberish page after page. Must have been a conspiracy of some sort. If I had a baseball bat, there would have been my own version of that famed Office Space scene. Congrats on FP!
I’m not really sure about this theory…
I really wish my printer would work sometimes.
That’s why I only print at work. They can afford better printers than I can, I don’t have to pay for ink, and if it jams, I can walk away and let the next person deal with it.
(just kidding on that last part, that is a serious jerk move).
PERFECT, thanks for this
Currently battling the beastly gremlin inside my own printer. Your title alone had me laughing.
Inkjet? The next you buy make it a laser from a well known brand. More expensive, but better in every other aspect.
This is exactly how I feel.
Hi love your blog. I have had 4 ‘top of range’ printers over last 12 years. All a load of crap and now in skip. Reverted back to my trusty 18 yr old Lexmark – no fancy buttons or gadgets but prints as requested. Take care D.
ps love the inclusion of video.
I find once I try replacing the ink for a printer it forever prints like shit. :/ real shame.
I’m not sure what it is about your blog, but I can’t stop reading. Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed.
You are hilarious.
You couldn’t be more right.
Living in germany one woulg expect to get quality when buying a printer, but that never happened to me. Now i just use other people’s printers and save myself the hassle.
I think many people share your opinion, and the cat accident is quite funny
regards,
Nel from werundecided
Completely agreed!!! We send humans into outer space…and our printers cant manage to work. I bought a new all in one printer, so to scan photos. I go about a hour at a time, before it fucks up…. and thats been 2 since…
I need to buy a new printer this season. I’m not looking forward to it.
On a side note. Does anyone want to beat up my old printer?
We’re experiencing printer-rage at my house too! They’re the worst!! We’re ready to take a bat to ours Office Space-style. The only way it will print is if we first unplug it then, plug it back into the wall. We just bought it 2 months ago! (which begs the questions – Why don’t you return it? I have to say…that IS a good question!).
Anyway, loved this post. And love the name of your blog – I was laughing before I even opened it. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.
Had to call a IT for my printer here at work and then read your blog. Could not. Agree. More.
How is it that I work with a company that deals with technology on a daily basis and NO ONE could hook up my printer!? Not blaming my company- blaming the darn printer!!
A-fucking-men!!!!!!!!!!! Amen Amen Amen
first of all, office space rocks my world. i’ve always wanted to take a bat to a substantial piece of technology. lately, my computer is asking for it. i agree. printers blow. i’m all for a paperless world. although i do appreciate a paper reminder here and there. thanks for sharing!
http://www.icouldntmakethisshitup.wordpress.com
I have a color laser printer that ran out of toner (according to the software) despite the fact that I have not actually been printing anything with it. My working hypotheses are: the software also uses a timer (“time to squeeze more cash out of the fools”) or that damn gremlin is freebasing my toner like it is cocaine.
My printer has been working reasonably well for over 3 years. I must admit that I only use it once or twice a month for single paper printouts, but it’s okay. Last time I tried to print an essay of several pages, it managed to “eat” all the papers at once and spit them around the room. It was funny to look at, but horrible to clean up.
Nothing like righteous fury is there? Your anger is shard by many, my friend. Technology is both a blessing and a curse. Keep fighting the douchebags, good sir!
Yes, I can relate!…lol! (funny clip). Another thing that annoys me is the manufacturers are very clever with toners… certain toners only work with certain models… fair enough… but then all of a sudden the toner for your now old printer becomes completely unavailable, as they have moved on to push a newer model of printer- so essentially so will you have to…. I think it is all a big con for profit…
Ha! This is so true and you are freaking hilarious! Congratulations on being Fresh Pressed! Great post!
I completely agree. I feel the same way about Facebook chat. It’s been years, people.
~Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One
I heard an interesting comment on NPR comparing this issue to Amazon.com upgrading the Kindle to a tablet type computer. Essentially Amazon is undercutting itself, selling the Kindle Fire for less money than it costs to make so they can get you on all the applications they will sell you. They compared it to printers costing $40 and ink costing the equivalent of $4500 a gallon. My HP is doing well so far, but I have felt your pain in the past.
LOL!! That scene from Office Space is my favourite scene in the whole movie! As soon as I started reading your post, I thought of it and was so glad to see that you included it in the post.
Stupid printers…they should all be brought out into the middle of a field and bashed to bits with a bat. It’s a fitting end, I think…
Hilarious post!!
I thought of that movie the instant I
started reading, you freakin’ read my
mind. May your days always be happy
and your staplers always be red!
Planned obsolescence. Gotta love it!
Sometimes I wish I still had my DOT MATRIX old-school Epson. That thing kicked ass with it’s pounding away at massive amounts of pages and not screwing up. Need color? Use a marker afterwards.
I wish wordpress had a like button.
[Like] <– click
In my lifetime I have smashed, beat, abused, and generally fandangled upwards of 10 printers. My next victim sits to my right as we speak.
Fully agree!
Anything that handles paper: fax machines, laser printers and copiers, give lots of problems.
I noticed years ago that I tended to use the word processing software, that printed with no problem.
Here is a similar rant I did on software that didn’t work:
http://rodgersnotes.wordpress.com/2010/11/06/why-is-your-software-such-crap/
You’re so right! Very funny!
Well done on getting Freshly Pressed! Hope to see you on my blog soon!
http://littleexplorer.wordpress.com/
Yeah…printers generally suck. We had one at work that I really wanted to push off the balcony.
I love it… back in 2000, I had a Lexmark and I threw it in the front yard after it cost me a 50K closing. LOL! love your posting!! thanks~!
‘Could you please turn it off, wait one minute and then turn it on again?’
So nice to read this post, I have facebooked it, so that my former and current co-workers can have a laugh too.
Believe me, it works 99% of the times! I actually work for a printing company, there is not one of the scenarios you described I haven’t experienced from the other side.
Congrats on being freshly pressed!
I especially hate that every printer seems to have a different way of doing things, so that when you get used to yours and it breaks, you have to figure out a whole new one! Even though, they’re from the same company! I feel your pain. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
So true!!!! I guess being the device with the most moving parts its deemed to fail more often than not.
Congrats on being FP despite some words! Give us the secret!!!
Great post! And very true!
A first-time visitor here. Well said and well done!
i’ve had several printers that worked perfect. churned out the pages. were cheap.
the cost of the ink almost killed me.
Non-breaking printers exist, but CORPORATIONS keep them to themselves!
I so agree – I have a printer/scanner combo and while the printer part is just okay, the scanner part is way below par. Very funny observations!
Well said!
So true. So funny and so sad at the same time. But you expressed the feelings of many, many people, and in such an eloquent and humorous manner. If they do nothing else, printers provide excellent blog material.
Good luck with any future printers and congrats on freshly pressed!
I’m not proud of this but I have hit my printer on more than one occasion! My scanner is asking for it too!
i never understood why people have printer trouble. i have never had one…
http://triviayourmind.wordpress.com/
This is ridiculously true. Its just like that college humor video, your printer is a brat…hahahaha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQGtucrJ8hM
I have serviced printers for over 20 years and anyone that spends over a 100 bucks for any printer is throwing their money away. Right now I own an HP multi-functional printer. Cost me 39.95. Works great. If it breaks I’ll throw it out and get a new one. Most ink for printers cost more than that. The ones I service cost between 2500 – 25,000 bucks.
I had to look at this because the title was just so funny!!! So true!!!
well said mate
Sorry to say that, but that´s wanted. Google planned obsolence if you want to know more.
I got my first ever job because I correctly identified the 6 most common causes that a printer may not be working, so I can’t relate to this. But I then spent 6 months on the phone talking to people who could relate to this extremely well.
I still enjoyed the Office Space clip tho, nice rant!
lolllllll. Yup…I purchased my third today. Three printers in 2011 and the year isn’t over yet. Little Missy butched up one and Motley, my little autie opened up the more expensive one and used it as a train track…alas, neither quite worked after that…guess what I am doing tomorrow morning …yawn…LOL at your post.
Did you notice in the early days…
…of Support Call Lines for printers, when you told the tech-thing on the other end of the phone line your f—-d-up printer’s model # and series, their script ALWAYS went….”Oh, the ‘Ep–n Stylie Tree.’ That’s an excellent machine! You made a good choice…& etc.” That was supposed to make us feel all warm and lovely about our useless, piece of crap dead machine. AS IF, Tech-Thing!
That was Then.
This is Now: no more tech support lines for printers. “Go lookit up yourself online!”
You’re so right. Printers are a titanic rip-off.
Let’s not even talk about ink prices……!
What really fries me is the fact that ink cartridges cost more than printers these days (I paid $39 for a printer; a package of colour ink for it costs $42). And I found out the hard way that if you ‘save’ the colour ink for jobs that really NEED to be printed in colour, the ink has dried up when you go to use it. Years ago I had an old HP that churned out thousands of copies (colour and black); I pitched it (even though it was still working) for a new ‘all in one’ jobbie that promised me the world – and never delivered. Boy, do I hate myself for THAT decision, let me tell you.
Wireless network printer problems are the worst. Every so often, I have to take my laptop and connect it to the printer via the USB so the two of them are forced to talk face to face and sort out their difference.
I have a Samsung CLP-315W networked color laser printer. It has wireless but I could NEVER get it to work with my wireless network. So instead it sits near all the routing gear and is plugged into the same network the WiFi is on.
Nice color prints, pretty damned quick, and hasn’t jammed yet. I’m a low volume printer and I have to say, I like this one better than any. I paid $130 for it.
Now ink-jets, you can have your ink-jets! They all suck. Every last one of them.
And for downright reliability dot matrix is the way to go. I miss my Panasonic KX-P1124!
Truer words have never been spoken, my friend.
Man, I have bought only one printer in my entirely long life (18 years…), my Parents bought a LEXMARK Zsomething, i had a lot of problems with it, most of it to smash the paper.
Reading your post I remember that this printer is still alive in a shop, and I have forgot to take it ¬¬, lucky I don’t need to print documents very often.
I work in the front part of the office. You want to see your co-workers lose it let them interact with a printer or fax machine – not a real pretty site. Our printer at home would not work the other day because one of the print cartridges were expired – do you think it could have saved us time and told us that – NO!
“Then whenever I have a large document with a bunch of pages to print, the printer decides to suck the entire 20 pages loaded in it in at once and print gibberish on every single page so that I have to throw them all away!”
^ THIS. I had a printer that would do that, except it would print each line of the document on the first inch of the page and then start printing on the next one (which it had sucked up at the same time). Fucking perfect if I want to cut and paste together my essay, thank you very much. I’ve been operating under the assumption that printers are just displacement camps for any demons – real or imagined – stemming from any exorcisms (real or imagined) that have taken place since the dawn of technology. I feel your pain.
(Congrats on being fresh pressed!)
My printer has a BRAND NEW ink cartridge in it. When I print, however, no ink appears on the pages! Just blank white sheets!!!! Totally useless to me! So now I have to shell out cash to print at the library nearby! I hate printers.
LOL! This is so true and funny.
Some of the small parts inside the printer and plastic molded parts only last for 2 years or so. In laboratory tests gears and wheels and whatnots loosen and some parts break up due to wear and tear – after xxxx number of rotations.
What’s remarkable is that they are exclusively molded and their mechanisms are still considered a secret by the manufacturer, so there are no spare parts available.
do you know how many times I have had to reload my HP printer driver software, and then have multiple copies of the SAME printer on my computer “printers and drivers” control panel, only to tell me each time that my printer is “offline??” I completely share your frustration! (but it got you freshly pressed : )
Hahahaha!
I feel better just knowing that I’m not the only one! I have an old HP 4L laser jet that has given me years of faithful service with few problem. Recently got a new laptop without a serial port … no place to plug in the printer. Spent $30 at Staples for a cord with a USB plug in place of the serial plug. Apparently the new computer doesn’t speak old HP. Obsolete by design.
I agree with this author. I have an HP DeskJet 5440 thinking I could use such old printer again to print my many photos. Turns out the thing is a brat, needing a specific number and one that isn’t a counterfeit. When these printer companies started copyrighting the printer cartridges, thats when they went downhill. The printers themselves are now cheaper than the cartridges, and they often chew up pages, and there is even a emergency bypass when the pages get jammed up. I don’t remember that when HP made the DeskJet/writers from the early 90s.
But people want cheaper printers. Least they forget when you paid a little extra, you would get a little extra. Its depressing how many people nickel and dime themselves. Its worse than how business look at their bottom line. I especially don’t like the “consumeration” of such tech products (where they are cheaper, smaller, lighter, and a bit sexier) and you get even worse performance compared to the boring, business grade products.
I concur with the colorful, yet honest opinion of the printer industry. .
I especially relate to the – ‘they can make a computer to…….’ But we need a GOLD mine to keep the thing in ink! Ink must be the cheapest part of the whole caboodle but the marketing gurus know we need it! One new cartridge for mine costs more than the printer did.
I believe there is a inkjet printer conspiracy. I went through 2 printers at home over 10 years ago. I only used/had each print for 6 months.
What a flipping waste of money.
And my partner bought a laser printer for his business…it too is cranky. He is abit a mechanically inclined but can’t troubleshoot it.
So I haven’t had a printer for last few years at home.
lucky I don’t need to print documents very often.Thanks for a fun post on a truly maddening issue!
Funny in a not funny way. I actually broke my pinky finger in one incident when I slammed my printer up and down on the desk repeatedly. Just a small bit of rage and a whole lot of pain but seeing the plastic fly off the thing was oh so satisfying.
There are no printers in heaven, they all go to hell where they belong
amen bro!
Love this! Our printer even refuses to print the last line of any document!!
The best printer I’ve owned was my first, purchased in 1999 — a basic Epson model that probably lasted about eight years before finally wearing out. My first law of printer buying now: NEVER purchase any printer made in China.
My history with printers are decent. I hardly ever use mine, but it has it’s problems. I have a scanner built in mine & EVERY time I try to use it, I have to smash the damn scan button into itself. It just freakin ‘ ridiculous.
–My printers glaring at me as I write this–
i believe i just made the situation worse.
COSIGN!
This is exactly why I miss receiving paper bills. On top of the money that I need to pay for the bill itself, I can also expect to fork up a ridiculous amount on ink cartridge. Apparently, my printer gets high on the ink in between printing jobs.
My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.
I can relate to your printer troubles. Especially the one about ink cartridges, it’s bad enough you’ve got to write down the number on the thing, but then your paying almost as much for the ink as you paid for the printer; that is of course if you don’t use the self filler kits which by the way are extremely messy and don’t work half the time. If only it was a world where we didn’t need paper print outs in a few years maybe. Good luck with your next one!
hahaha!so true!
i think my electric kettle will be an apt addition to the list!
“I have never once owned a computer printer that was not a completely useless pile of shit.”
– You suck at using printers, or you bought a cheap Chinese knock off.
“but nobody can make a printer that doesn’t jam?!”
– You suck even more a loading paper into the tray, or you over fill it.
“Have you ever noticed that when you really need to print something at the last minute your computer suddenly can’t communicate with the printer? ”
– No, never. Never. Not once. I suggest you pack your computer and printer away in the closet and go back to using pen and paper, or a type writer.
“Every printer I ever had broke or stopped working for some nonsensical reason within 2 years of purchase”
– You’re not putting cardboard into the printer, are you?
“Sometimes I think that there is a little gremlin that gets inside of all of my printers and makes them malfunction just so I will have to shell out another $10o+ for a new one.”
– Yes, that little gremlin would be you.
I am likewise pissed everytime my printer malfunctions especially whenever I needed to print really important documents. I totally share same sentiments with you. However I think, no I believe, no matter how our printer spoils our day it doesn’t deserve to be punched, kicked, or got beaten by a bat as badly as that. That’s just gross. I feel for dear printer…
I think they design the printers to break just as it becomes not worth the money to repair it.
Very well said! I recently had to shell out, as you say, for a new one too. The complexities of trying to get it fixed just were not worth it for the price of a new one!
Maybe it’s the paper?
I feel the same way about fax machines.
LOL! so true!
I have had my HP printer for probably close to 10 years. No jams, no gibberish. Occasionally two or three pages get stuck together and so half the information is on one page, half on the other — but I attribute that to cheap paper. =)
I will say that I don’t print often, so that may have contributed to the life span of the printer.
2004 HP PhotoSmart PSC 2410 all-in-one still working like a champ, just feed it cartridges and paper and go, also 1998-era HP DeskJet 930C still works okay. The old dinosaur HP LaserJets — I swear, with proper maintenance, I doubt they will ever quit. Epson Stylus printers? Awesome quality, poor reliability long-term.
We bought a new Canon printer while living in Asia and–guess what? You can’t use Canon ink cartridges with it even though they’re identical.
They put a chip in it so that you can only use US ink with US printers. Ugh!!!!
We have to “hack” our printer each time it runs out so it’ll accept a new US cartridge.
I Liked
lol,
You really wrote what i want to say. sometimes, my printers just drove me crazy and I really wanted to throw it out of window.
this is hilarious and I experience it weekly because I’m in college aka always printing SOMETHING! You think they’d stop making computers tinier and make a printer that works.
Soooo true. I recently had a printer that did everything – print, scan, copy, fax, but which was programmed to carry out a self clean- every 8 hours!!! even when not used; even when turned off! End result being that when i actually wanted to print something, it would tell me that it was out of ink. After replacing the ink cartridges for the third time, and continually needing to unplug the machine when not in use to prevent the incessant self cleanings, I finally snapped. The crunching and shattering noise was incredibly satisfying when the printer hit the ground after being hurled from the second storey balcony into the backyard. Never buying a hewlett packard again.
And I thought it was just me!! You could have been describing my printer. It is an endless patience tester. Latest challenge it threw down was to stop recognizing the full yellow ink cartridge that it had no problems with before, and refusing to print anything at all, just when I was running late for the airport and needed my boarding pass.
Congrats on being FP. See, printers are good for something!
http://www.kadampalife.org
Totally agreed, and I get the same frustration with portable dvd players. Also, anything digital with a warranty – they tend to die around the expiry date. I’ve always wondered about that – when people buy extra warranty, do the items still die at the initial warranty date, do they live on until the extended warranty runs out or they die on the initial or in between as expected and get fixed or replaced? But by that time, parts of obsolete and newer ‘better’ items are out so even if people bought the warranty they might pay for something new? Hmm.
I disagree. I believe in printers!
I’ve always said this about printers and staplers. Alas, as with any technology, they wouldn’t sell any new ones if the old ones worked forever, right?
Ah, the printer. Does it have a plug that goes into a socket? If so, that is the problem. All devices with plugs are made to ruin people’s lives. Or maybe just mine.
Love this, I remember the general frustrations with the office server printer and all those print jobs in queue. Dumb peripheral.
I just bought a new Canon and I hate it. It is the stupidest piece of crap ever. My cheap printer works far better.
[...] 2011 | Leave a comment If you want to laugh, read this article about printer frustration from thedingleberry. Do not skip the comments they really add to this piece. I was about to roll on the floor laughing. [...]
I “love” the little message I get every time telling me the ink tanks aren’t full when I damn well know I just filled them.
I can see exactly where you are coming from! Several years ago my friends bought a package of a computer and a printer. The computer could not “see” the printer and my friends wife caught him waving the printer in front of the screen screaming ” it`s here,,,,IT`S F******G HERE” before hurling the printer at the floor and stomping of to the pub! Great post!
it’s a conspiracy to make us hang out more at libraries.
Totally agree! Printers are the devils’s work and don’t get me started on scanners! They do have a mind of their own…
haha…… I use printer 100 times a day, fortunately I don’t have a cat!!
Damm those fax machines!
Check out: http://www.xfell.com
Thanx!
Printers are ridiculous. Even the expensive ones that corporations use in their offices jam… I think we need innovation within the Printer industry. Sure, they print in color and in “HD” or whatever, but paper jams really kill all those features!
“PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean?”
-Michael Bolton
Nice post. The Oatmeal put together a great one about this same subject. Have a look…
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/printers
Why does the ink never run out unless you want to print something in a hurry? How does it know?
Also, you’re not just getting these problems because you are buying cheap printers, the ones at work are crap too.
Hey you’ve got the whole world with you on this subject, not that I have anything to worry about as my printer is just fine, state of the art, top notch, you name it, I got it.
That was until Tuesday, that’s right, yesterday, gremlin attack, kapow!
So now It’s doing a Lady Gaga on me, we’re all fine at this end, all fine at that end, so print will you, i just want to be able to press the button and know that you have done your job.
So I Google my pain and ask for an answer, surely somebody before has had this problem, too right, maybe thousands of you and there are answers in the millions.
One guys suggests re-booting, oh really? Another gives a formulaic math that bizarrely enough has a conversation running alongside it on the origins of the Universe.
Also yesterday I had the electric drill I was using go into spasm and the chuck stuck solid, again I Google for an answer. One guys suggests hitting it time and time again with a hammer. Seems a reasonable idea and anger will be vented, voila! it worked.
I’m tempted to try the same with the printer….”Honey I’m home”! Thanks for a great post by the way…..PRIIIINT!
my printer can scan, photocopy and print . evidently it also comes with a brain because it in revenge of me not filling enough paper one time unconnects with the computer at the precise moment i need to print something, which leads to starting everything again!. what more , i guess it has a preference to colour as well. it will now not print anything in black .purple,green,blue,violet,orange,yellow :any colour comes out ok but black?? oh no!!. black comes out blurred. all my documents are now brown or black.
I can definitely relate to this one!
“whenever I have a large document with a bunch of pages to print, the printer decides to suck the entire 20 pages loaded in it in at once and print gibberish on every single page”
OMG! This happens all the time! Random words and sentences on random pages. Utter utter waste!
Very relate-able read
I don’t share your bad luck with printers but I do get angry every time I have to buy ink cartridges. Come on $49 for ink? that will last a few months at best. The damn printer only cost $150, I think the people at HP have taken the quality out of the printer, lowered the costs and decided to violate Americans with high ink cartridge prices while making a killing.
I’ve had great success with printers from HP. One is about 6 years old (the cartridges have been cost prohibitive to replace) that still prints, scans and copies better than some new models.
Also, get rid of your cat. Your life would improve in many ways, more reliable printing being only one advantage.
First world problems.
Another thing that gets me is the completely useless “information” that pops up on the computer screen when the printer doesn’t work. It just sort of says, “Yeah, it didn’t work. Click on print again. We’ve got no better ideas.” I’ve never read the ‘printer error’ message and had any new ideas on how to proceed. My printer reminds me of my ex-girlfriend; when it doesn’t print, it must have a headache or just isn’t in the mood.
Anyways, great post! Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed!
This is so true…
Printers have been severely jealous of cats since the time of Ancient Egypt. The Egyptians once worshipped printers, but found that rather than hunting and killing vermin that threatened their food supply, the printers would just spit out paper (which the vermin chewed on) and sometimes wouldn’t even do that. They also found printers to be far less graceful than cats, who eventually took precendence over printers, especially Lexmark All-In-Ones.
mysterious…
http://photosbb.org/travel/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=119#p153
I tossed out a brand new printer because it wouldn’t work. Read the reviews AFTER I bought it…not a good one in the bunch. How can these huge companies with hundreds of engineers not make a product that works. Did they never test the damn thing? Why are the customers their quality dept?
Hmmm…sometimes I think my printer hates me.
Yes I do miss my early 90′s Panasonic dot matrix printer. It is ‘working’ but I can’t get its ribbon any more. Then I got a Hewllett (HewLL-eTT) Packard (that is hell in a package) ‘fancy’ inkjet 840 which was not a bad one but efficiency wise never came near the good old Panasonic. Earlier this year the inkjet simply refused to work. The HP guys told me they can’t do a thing, so I was tempted to buy an all-in-one (fax, copier, scanner, printer) OJ 6300 (the OJ here is office jet which is new paint on the old Inkjet). Ever since then I am spending more on the ink cartridges. When black is empty it doesn’t work but when the colored one is empty, it still refuses to print b & w. Now they want me to buy a laser jet. (Why on earth (or in hell) they persist on calling their printers ‘jets’ I can never figure out). So till then I will curse the OJ thing and continue wondering about the perils of a new ‘jet’ on my side table.
Awesome post! Funny as hell and I can totally relate to everything you said!
BTW, kudos to WordPress for finally Freshly-Pressing a blog with some profanity. Yay!
Hilariously true!
Aw, man, I was about to paste a link from that Oatmeal comic, but someone beat me to it!
Are you hanging out with my printer, giving it ideas like this?
LMBO!
I have stared down my home printer a couple of times, thinking, “You flaky little wishy-washy, mo-fo! If you don’t . . . ”
This is when I have to take a step back, regroup, be thankful for the prior years–the good years we had–and get a grip. Do I have time to drive to Kinko’s? Can I get this printed at my final destination (school? work?). It is indeed a crazy-maker, if you let it be!
Hilarious post and video!
Mickey
http://theblossomingfledglingresearcher.wordpress.com
Official launch date: Nov. 21, 2011
I recently got a new printer from HP that’s, well, wicked. It does wireless printing, it can wireless scan, it’s touch-activated, etc.
But I can, and still do, agree with your article. Because, well, the reason why I had to get a new (updated) printer was because all of the ones I had sucked and malfunctioned a bazillion times. Ugh.
Kudos to this post! It made me laugh. (And the printer smashing freaked me out a bit. Mainly because I’m thinking of the money wasted…)
Dear Dingleberry, you are my long lost twin and as such I know that you wish you’d never uttered a word only to then be “freshly” pressed. Tomorrow you will not so “freshly” have gone off. Whilst your printer still playing “hide and you shall find an error message”.
Eternally yours, DNA sample provided on print out,
U
I feel like I almost have to trick my printer into printing the documents I need. I always have to pretend it’s not that important and I’m not in a hurry and I don’t care if it prints another on of those set-up pages. Sometimes it works, try it out.
Oh so very true. I have crooked pages on everything, and to fix the printer…. it costs more to ship it and fix than it would be to buy a new one. What a racket.
hahaha. you had me from your first line.
I want a printer that doesn’t break down AND prints an entire book manuscript for cheap.
And then binds it.
That is soo true when I actually think about it in the last 3 years I bought a dozen of printers -_-!
SO TRUE! At my last job, the printer was down at least one day out of the week (and then Accounting couldn’t print the paychecks!).I suggested a backup printer til I was blue in the face… and they got one after I left. I used to have to TRAIN PEOPLE on how to print to the bypass tray. That sounds stupid, but after years of frustration, I was the one who cracked the code: you have to send your job, run to printer which is going to say there’s no paper, put ONE SHEET of paper in, press “complete”, the printer will say there’s no paper, pick up paper put it back down, the printer will try to print but you have to carefully hand feed it one sheet at a time or it will suck up the paper too fast and jam. At least I enjoyed talking to the printer repairman…
My printer just said I had about 100 pages left of black ink.
I printed ONE 2-page document. Now it won’t let me print anything else. It will *only* direct me to the manufacturer’s website to purchase more. If I click on “purchase later”, the entire print job disappears like magic!
So basically, there are 98 pages worth of black ink in my printer that I am not allowed to have – ever.
Go e-books, you’re winning.
I agree with the premise of this article; printer manufacturers could do better. At the same time, I will fall back to “you get what you pay for”. When you’re talking about printers for home use; the inexpensive (CHEAP!) desktop models, you can’t have it both ways. If you want it to be the lowest cost, you’re going to get a pile of junk that you’ll be throwing out in a year. If you want quality you have to pay.
My former workplace bought us some nice desktop models back around 2000 or 2001. HP Deskjet 1220c. They cost 400 or 500 dollars. When mine quit working in 2002, I knew it could be easily fixed, but being in the corporate world, no one would listen to that. They bought a pile of junk for $100 and said to throw mine out. I asked if I could just take instead. Yes! I took it to the fix it shop, paid $79 to fix the problem and here in 2011 I still have it and it still works for me. Not what it used to be, but still does what I need it to do and have had very little issue with it. And the ink cartridges are HUGE and don’t run dry after a month.
Buy a printer from a long time printer manufacturer like HP. Why buy from Kodak? Their a photography company that expanded into printers. Don’t buy the low end disposable device and then complain about how awful it is. It’s low priced because it’s poorly made. Sadly, we live in a disposable culture, but it’s a choice to follow along with that. People bought Yugos for one reason – the low cost. Do you see many Yugos driving around?
my printer can do multi tasking job in a stipulated time
LOL! I have spent over $700.00 on printers and no telling how many hours re-installing new printer software. So far—the best prices on ink after you buy a printer is Brother L65′s. HP just plain sinks. I refused to pay those prices. I have 5 printers sitting around because the ink is so way expensive and the machine only does half of what they say…FORGET ABOUT WIFI—WHAT A SELLING JOKE! SHOULD BE NAMED WIFRAUD –never works….LOL!!!
AMAZING
My husband and I were just saying this…SO TRUE
@graylinsample
yepindeed.wordpress.com
I know you are soooooo right
Reminds me of this adorable comic I came across a while back that made me laugh so hard: (its funny, not spam I promise)
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/printers
Hope you enjoyed that!
Great post
(:
my best friend’s mom makes $67 every hour on the laptop. She has been fired for 5 months but last month her paycheck was $9022 just working on the laptop for a few hours. Here’s the site MakeCash4. c o m
Hilarious! Too true. My sister has to print out mass pages as she’s an engineering student, I’m going to have to link her this blog, she’d thoroughly enjoy it.
*cheers you* excellent post.
All my printers do those things. Almost all of them never suffered any trauma.
But, one of them got dropped down the stairs. You’d think that would screw it up, but apart from printing everything slightly more to left than it should have, it worked the best and the longest of all the printers I have had!
Consequently, I conclude these things make NO SENSE!
I was with you, until this vulgar, and utterly unconvincing film clip loaded.
First off, I don’t ‘do’ ‘nigger music.’
Secondly, I don’t identify with ANY of the stereotypes in this film clip- neither the fallacy of intellectual black man, nor nerdy jewish type, nor white ‘with it’ yuppie.
They are all falsehoods in my world and life view.
I only wish you could have chosen a better example to illustrate your column, which was good, except for the useless profanity.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your post! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! That scene from Office Space is classic and is my absolute favorite!
Printers really irk me. Especially HP. I have owned three over the last decade and all three were totally screwy. Thankfully mine rarely jam- but it is the software issues and random things they do that drive me crazy. Right now mine likes to randomly print ink level test pages (which waste a lot of ink) every single time I turn it on, (I have no idea why it started doing this and I can’t get it to stop) and instead of letting me cancel it by hitting X it take about five times of hitting X over about 5-10 minutes. Then the software quirks. Wow. I got a new PC so I had to re-install it and tried to put it on a different drive than I usually do and now the thing is messed up! I can’t scan, and I can’t get a clean uninstall to fully remove it. My PC keeps trying to find it and run it, even though I ran a scrubber on it that was supposed to clean whatever remaining software was causing problems, it didn’t get rid of it.
It’s such a nightmare. Thankfully I can still print or I’d be in a real mess.
When the software and printer were both working well, (which was probably just the last six months of the last three years I’ve owned this printer) it was bliss…a very short lived bliss. Why can’t they be better?! WHY?!!!!
I’ve definitely experienced that, and I’ve had my share of inkjet printers that lasted only 2-3 years. But my original printer, an HP LaserJet IIP-Plus from 1992, lasted over 15 years and was the most reliable printer I’ve ever had. And the text was clearer than my current photo-quality inkjet.
You are correct.
Seems to be the engineers and designers really made printers, their drivers and software because they had to. None of them really work smoothly. They work, but not very well. All of the hardware, even the most expensive ones still seem very cheaply made. And one moment they work great and the next moment the computer will not even acknowledge it’s existence. You have to spend copious amounts of time trying to make it come back to life. Once you do get it to print, it looks like crap. The caveman wall writings are clearer than the stuff that darn machine is spewing out. And then you have to feed it ink. It eats liquid gold that costs $8,000.00 a gallon.
Where’s my bat?!
I remember reading somewhere about a paperless society. Must have been fiction.
scroungelady reblogged this on southernfoodscrounge and commented: Hey man I agree. Printers are just throwaway stuff these days. I’ve had the most luck with HP cheapies. One even printed my “official formatted” document to the school on 50% cotton paper on an HP printer. I tried getting Kinko’s to print with the paper but they couldn’t. And cats know this. They can jump on the printer when its printing or jump on you with front feet on the keyboard and dingleberry in your face and help you with your important document. Just do it with a cheap HP printer. And don’t reuse your inkjet cartidges.
Love this post!
The only other piece of “technology” that doesn’t work when you want it to is the jetpack. Wake up scientists! Occupy the printer and jetpack labs.
Reblogged this on Justin G. Shreve and commented:
Featured on Freshly Pressed. Written by my Brother in Law.
Exactly! They also haven’t managed to make a coffee pot with a correctly-engineered spout that doesn’t get coffee ALL OVER THE PLACE when you pour it.
I mean, c’mon. Really?
Loved this post. It screams a sentiment I’ve had for a while.
My boyfriend says that all printers have a counter in them. When you have printed off x number of sheets, the printer stops working.
He’s not usually into conspiracy theories but this one adds up.
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