More Weird Sex Toys That Should Never Have Existed

Alright, I know I posted an awful sex toy post before, but I have found some even more disgusting and most bizarre things that people can buy to pleasure themselves with.

If you have a weak stomach you might want to turn around right now.

Still got your attention? Good.

Of course the first one had to come from Japan

Not completely sure what this is supposed to be, looks kind of like a fake slushy that you put your penis in that has a cartoon character in a bikini on the front of it.

This sex toy is making me thirsty

Various Feet Sex toys

I know there are people out their with foot fetishes but seriously? These look more like Halloween decorations.

They also look kind of manly, awkward

Then there is this foot that has a fake vagina on the bottom of it.

This is completely anatomically incorrect

Oral sex light

Do you really want a good look at what’s going on down there? Really? Might be useful if you want to read a book while you’re down there, in case you get bored or something.

I don't know about you, but this is one area on a woman's body that I do not want to see up close and completely lit

Butt plug with a tail

Not only can you stick something uncomfortable up your butt, you can stick something uncomfortable up your butt that makes you look like you just shoved a small animal up your rectum.

I bet this thing totally smells like ass

Whatever the fuck this thing is

I seriously don't even have anything to say about this

Robo Suck

Ever wondered what having your dick sucked by Robocop would be like?  Me neither.

I don't think that this was licensed by Robocop in any way

Vampire mouth in a can

I don’t care how much you like Twilight, this just isn’t sexy or look comfortable in anyway.

The flesh colored fangs completely ruined it for me

Barack Obama shaped dildo

That looks pretty uncomfortable and I am kind of baffled by the fact that the president’s body morphs into a pair of testicles at the bottom.

This one gets my vote

A dick that you wrap around your chin

If I was a girl I would totally be too busy laughing at how ridiculous you look with that thing to get any sexual gratification out of it.

I would totally walk around wearing this all day and pretend like I was born with a dick attached to my face

A pair of boobs with a vagina in the middle

Ok, that is just creepy.

If you ever wanted to have sex with a woman and simultaneously puncture her aorta at the same time, you need to buy this!

Shower Head (clever name, I know, I just made it up too)

Now you can pretend that you are getting oral sex from a decapitated head while you take a shower! Awesome!

Make sure to remove it from your shower before you have company staying overnight, I am never making that mistake again

A mannequin head with a vagina in it’s neck

If the thing above wasn’t weird enough for you, check out this one.

Is anyone else not surprised that this one came from Japan?

The Piggy Wiggly

A vibrator that looks like a pigs head with two giant penises growing out of it. If you buy this for your girlfriend and she does not automatically break up with you on the spot and actually lets you use this abomination on her, put a ring on that bitch!

Only $29.95? That's a squeal! Yes, I know how awful that pun was

A gimp mask with a vagina for eyes

I can only imagine how uncomfortable it would feel to be fucked between the eyes while wearing this thing. In other news, I know what I am wearing for Halloween next year. Trick or Treat, bitches.

I wish the rubber suit guy on American Horror Story wore this mask instead

Yes, I know that all of these pictures were taken from a recent post on But I added my own witty comments and mentioned them in the post so it technically isn’t plagiarism.

13 comments on “More Weird Sex Toys That Should Never Have Existed

  1. Pingback: Awkward Sex Toys That Will Give You Nightmares « – Now With 90% More Randomness

  2. The male feet are awesome looking, but then again, I’m a foot freak.
    But would never buy one. To many free feet on the streets.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s