The Dingleberry’s Guide To Sex Positions

I saw a chart online for sexual calorie counting. It had a sex position listed called the “Italian Chandelier”, this made me curious so I decided to do a search to figure out what it entailed.

The getting dressed afterwards part made me giggle

 

Here is the definition for Italian Chandelier according to Urban Dictionary:

It’s a sexual position. The woman pushes her back and butt completly off the ground using her arm and legs, kind of like crab-walking or like when you do the bridge in gymnastics. The guy does the same thing, but facing down when they make love. 

I heard the Italians love it because it burns a lot of calories.

Disclaimer! These positions have yet to be performed, try them at your own risk.

This gave me the idea to come up with some sexual positions of my own:

The Roman Suitcase

The couple crams themselves inside of a suitcase and the male enters the female from behind.

The Russian Hanglider

The male is suspended from the ceiling with straps and enters the female from behind while holding her in the air.

The Siberian Parachute

 

The female parachutes nude from an airplane and lands directly on her partners’ penis, who is waiting 50,000 feet below.

The Inverted Pterodactyl

The male dresses up in a full body Pterodactyl costume and enters the woman from behind, you can also do the original Pterodactyl which involves the missionary position while in full Pterodactyl attire. Make sure costume is anatomically correct.