One of my Facebook friends posted this video and it gave me the idea for tonight’s blog entry:
The Mrs. watched it and asked me what a “donkey punch” was so I explained it to her. This encouraged me to look up more sex acts with hilarious sounding names.
If you don’t know what a donkey punch is…
1. Donkey Punch: involves the male punching the sexual partner in the back of the head during anal or vaginal sex prior to orgasm, to provoke a shock causing the vaginal or anal muscles to contract around the male’s penis.
2. Rusty Trombone: The act of performing anal cunnilingus while reaching up above the testicles to manually administer quick up and down motions to the penile shaft; resulting in a violent yet pleasant explosion. It is then customary for the female to then give a quick blow into the anus for good luck, the lips blowing into the anus sounds very similar to a trombones sweet melody. This was introduced to the Americas in the late 50’s.
3. The Alabama Hot Pocket: a special fetish maneuver that roughly involves taking a shit into a woman’s vagina, typically followed up by a good ole fuckin’. The term “Alabama” originated from a lesser known, but crucial additional practice that involves “Porky Piggin'” the female who has recieved the Hot Pocket. In Alabama, you see, good old redneck boys, when bored, would fuck pig troughs or large, wet piles of mud. To properly perform the Porky Piggin’ follow-up procedure, one must take a massive shit onto the vagina WITHOUT spreading the lips. This creates a core that enters the woman, and then dregs that explode out all over her. By randomly stabbing with the cock, one will successfully Porky Piggin’ the girl… repeating, naturally, the action that would normally be associated with screwing a pile of mud or animal trough.
4. Tony Danza: When you are giving it to a chick from behind, you yell out “Who’s the boss?” She’ll get confused, turn her head around, at this moment, you donkey punch her in the face and then scream TONY DANZA!!!
5. Abe Lincoln: When an unconscious person gets jizzed on their face, gets their pubes cut and applied to their face to form a beard, then adorned with a top hat.
6. Hot Carl: the act of putting seran-wrap on ones face and proceeding to take a hot steamy shit on the seran-wrap, thus letting them feel the warmth of the poo on their face.
7. Blumpkin: The delicately balanced art of getting your cock sucked while taking a dump.
8. Tahitian Face Mask: A specific sexual act with specifically ordered steps. When a man or woman lies down, and a man or woman places plastic wrap over the face of the person, and the person who warpped up the face takes a shit on the plastic wrap, places another piece of plastic wrap on top (so as to sandwich the shit in-between 2 layers of plastic wrap upon the person’s face), and then punches the plastic wrapped face of the person thus causing it to squish all over and produce the effect of a mask.
9. Dirty Sanchez: when a man and a woman engage in anal sex, then the man takes his penis and rubs it on the girls upper lip leaving a moustache.
10. Cleveland Steamer: when one person craps on another person’s chest and (very important) then sits down and rocks back and forth like a steam roller.