I Have An Evil Female Doppelganger Who Is Stealing My Pills (No, I am not 80)

True story and I am 98.8% not senile… I went to CVS yesterday to pick up one of my prescriptions because their stupid robot message had called me about 40 times to let me know that it was ready to be picked up. When I went in to pick up my pills the CVS pharmacy tech, most of them who have a collective IQ around 85, told me that I had already picked my prescription up the day before. I told her that this was impossible because my wife, everyone I know that lives remotely close to here, and myself were all in Illinois on Saturday morning. The “pharmacy tech” aka “Arts and Sciences student from Kent State” then told me that someone else must have gotten my pills by mistake and then refilled my prescription for me. I then left and went home because I didn’t really give two shits about it at the time, which brings me to today…

The Mrs. had to go to CVS to pick up some pills and mentioned to the pharmacy tech about the mishap from the day before. We managed to come into contact with one of the few pharmacy technicians who is actually on top of things whom offered to help us track down who took my pills on Saturday. After logging into their computer they found that the person who picked up my pills had the same last name as me and her name was Patricia. Those of you who don’t know, my name is Patrick so basically there is a person out there with the female equivalent of my name. Supposedly, this person had some pills of her own to pick up and they just threw my pills in with hers because our names are so similar. However, I believe that something even more sinister is going on here. I think that this Patricia person is my evil doppelganger from another dimension who looks just like me but with boobs and she is out there stealing my pills. Or maybe I just watch too much Fringe.

And my alternate universe double also has a completely different personality and hairdo, and we are just polar opposites altogether.

One of us is also an ex mental patient that makes their own LSD, randomly takes off their pants, and is completely insane, the other is the Secretary of Defense. (Guess which one I am)

And at some point Spock is going to steal parts of my brain and sew them into other people's skulls or possess my body, because you know, Leonard Nimoy is a badass and Fringe and totally fucking weird.

I completely lost the point of what I was talking about. In other news: Our CEO Rowan Fitzgerald tried to jump on the table then hit the edge and fell on the floor because he’s a stupid cat.