Strange Pet Products

There are always new and exciting inventions that are being marketed for animal lovers. Most of them are completely idiotic and have no logical use whatsoever, in other words, they are completely awesome!

Cat Muzzle

Do you have a cat that is so vicious and loud that you need to put a muzzle on it to keep it quiet? You should probably have it put to sleep. Or you can buy this ridiculous cat muzzle, why does it’s eyes have to covered?

I can't see you, but I can still claw your face off, bitch.

Cat Butt Gum

Why is it peppermint flavored? Seriously when I think of a cat’s butt, the last flavor that I think of is peppermint.  This whole thing just doesn’t make sense. I’ve seen plenty of animal “poop” candy, but gum that comes out of a cats butt? And it’s peppermint flavored?

Only 8 pieces, that is total shit.

Cat-A-Pult

This would be cool if you could launch real cats 15 feet through the air with it. Tiny plastic cats, not so much.

Teaches children that it is OK to torture animals.

Flat Pack Cardboard Toys For Cats

These are pretty awesome,  cardboard boxes shaped like tanks and fighter jets for cats to play in. These would make for awesome youtube videos. Too bad most cats are too stupid to play in them, they are more likely to poop in them instead, which would make for awesome youtube videos…

If cats had real fighter jets and tanks it would be the cutest apocalypse ever.

Kitty Walker

It is an enclosed fence so that you can take your indoor cat outside so it can have all the fun that an outdoor cat can have except in a tiny enclosed space where they can only pace back in forth in. It’s a good thing cats don’t like to jump, climb, run around, or chase things. Oh wait…

Cat Wheel

It is like a hamster wheel, except it’s huge and made for cats. It has no real purpose. You have to distract your cat with a toy to even get them in the thing and the likelihood of them ever actually using this thing are less than 0%.

Who has the room in their house to fit this stupid thing that their cat isn't even going to use? Oh yeah, it also costs over $100.

Pooch Pants

Diapers for dogs.  If cleaning dog shit off of your floor isn’t bad enough, lets put a diaper on your dog so that it can crap itself and you can spend the next hour cleaning dried up pieces of shit out of it’s fur.

It's machine washable? Fantastic, because I totally want to reuses something that my dog took a crap in and put it in the washer with my clothes.

Cell Phone for Pets

It has a GPS locator that would be helpful if your pet ran away, but it’s main function is the ability to call your pet while you are away from home. As if your pet isn’t annoyed by you talking to it like it can understand you while you’re at home. What great one sided conversations you can have!

The best feature: when your spouse has their friends over and they all laugh at the conversation you are attempting to have with your dog over the speaker attached to it's neck.

Pet High Chair

Now you can set a seat at the dinner table for your cat or dog. I don’t know about you, but I try to encourage my cat not to jump on the table while I’m eating dinner. Although if I strapped him in this awkward contraption and tried to force him to eat like a person he might stop that entirely.

Why in the blue hell does the dog have a cup with a straw in it? Yeah, that's going to work.

Strollers for pets

Last time I checked, dogs love to walk outside on their own and don’t need to be pushed around in a stroller. Cats, on the other hand get filled with murderous rage whenever they are put in anything that resembles a cage or carrier. Plus there is the obvious fact that no sane person pushes their pets around in a stroller in public.

If you're going to be crazy, might as well take it to the next level and push your pet around in a stroller and treat them like the children you could never have because no sane person would ever have sexual intercourse with you.

Poop Freeze

Spray this on your dog’s poop after it poops outside and it will freeze it. Why do you need to freeze your dog’s shit? Your guess is as good as mine.  Really, what is this supposed to accomplish?

Seriously, someone explain why it would possibly be necessary to freeze dog shit? Are you picking it up with your bare hands? Why would anyone need this?