The other day I found this ugly bug on the floor, it was walking around my living room trying to steal my money. At first I thought it was a miniature turtle but then I realized it was a bug so I had to kill it and throw it in the trash. The dingleberry didn’t even catch it, he acted like he was afraid of it, stupid cat, what am I even paying him for?
My old cat used to eat spiders off the floor he didn’t even care if they were poisonous, he didn’t give a shit. That’s probably why he’s deceased. I had to look the bug up on the internet, well the Mrs. looked it up on the internet because I was already asleep because I honestly didn’t really care what kind of a bug it was after I realized it wasn’t a turtle and I stopped it from stealing from me.
When I woke up she told me that it was a Stink Bug. They supposedly stink when you kill them except the one that I killed didn’t smell like anything so I sort of doubt the legitimacy of her claim, however it did look just like the picture below.
It looked just like that picture except it was on my carpet and it was all messed up and dead and stuff. I took it to school and showed it who’s boss and smashed it between a paper towel and it was all like “I can’t believe you just killed me, bro. What did I ever do to you?” Then I was like “you broke into my house and were trying to steal my quarters”. Then he was like “touche” then he stopped talking because he was dead and bugs don’t talk. Then I threw it in the garbage and took the garbage to the dumpster where Mr. Rabies the raccoon lives, or used to live, I haven’t seen him lately so he’s probably dead. That’s what he gets for living in the dumpster, the garbage man probably dumped him in the back of his truck and crushed him to death and now his children are fatherless and he is laying in a landfill somewhere. RIP Mr. Rabies.