Religion Themed Sex Toys Are Disturbing As Hell

I was browsing the internet yesterday and happened to come across one of the most disturbing albeit awesome sites on the internet: that is dedicated to the sale of religious sex toys.

The pictures below are captioned with actual quotes from the website, just because they are just as hilarious as anything I could come up with myself.

Jackhammer Jesus

It is a dildo that is shaped like Jesus getting crucified on a giant blue penis-shaped cross

"Jesus was a carpenter, now he’s the powertool. He’s the baddest and the best in all of Nazareth. The Jackhammer Jesus has just one safety rule: Feet first, feet first, not the head, ya fool."


Buddha’s Delight

Apparently this site doesn’t just cater to Christians, it even has a dildo shaped like Buddha for all you Buddhists out there that have always wanted to stick a likeness of Buddha up their lady hole.

"After a thousand years of praying, fasting and endless incarnations, Buddha finally gets to be... a dildo. To Buddha’s unending delight, he’s generously endowed with enough to pleasure even the most enlightened. Now that Nirvana is within reach, grasp it wisely, firmly, and with intent, rub his belly. Rub it again, meditatively."

Baby Jesus Butt Plug

This is one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. I mean, it’s a butt plug shaped like Baby Jesus, doesn’t get more fucked up than that.

The Devil

It is a dildo shaped like the Devil, my personal favorite.


Virgin Mary Dildo

Not sure who would actually want to purchase yet alone use a Virgin Mary shaped dildo, but probably not someone whom I would want to know. Most people probably wouldn’t want to know them either which is probably why they would have a need for a Virgin Mary shaped dildo anyway.


Bible Thumper

It is shaped like the bible but there is a hole in the bottom of it to stick your penis in. Perhaps the most unsexy masturbation device I have ever seen.


God’s Immaculate Rod

I always wondered what God’s penis looked like. Okay, not really.

Holy Water Lube

I wonder if it helps scare away vampire penises.

There were a couple other interesting toys on this site that I didn’t include such as a nun shaped dildo, a Shiva butt plug, and a grim reaper dildo. This site seems like a joke but apparently they actually do sell all of these items. And for only 50 cents extra you can get all the above dildos and butt plugs in glow in the dark varieties. Wow! What a bargain!

10 comments on “Religion Themed Sex Toys Are Disturbing As Hell

  1. I bought the Baby Jesus butt plug, but didn’t need the glow in the dark variety lol!
    They took a couple weeks to ship as they were on holidays so all orders placed within that period got a free holy water lube with their order!!! Great customer service lol!!

  2. Pingback: Lecherous Pastor: ‘Here Kid, I Bought You a Dildo’ ← Moral Compass

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