Life Imitates Art, Snakes On A Plane Actually Happened, Miss Universe Pageant Is Embarrassment To The Entire Universe

An Australian pilot was forced to make an emergency landing after a snake popped out of his dashboard.

You can view the story here…

There were a few differences from the movie: there was only one snake, it wasn’t poisonous, Samuel L. Jackson was nowhere to be found, nobody died, it was a small aircraft with only one person aboard, and there wasn’t a microwave on the plane with a “snake” setting where the snake was comically cooked to death. The whole story was pretty disappointing actually.

See, I didn't make that up.

I’m also sure you had already heard about the whole Miss Universe scandal about the woman who was disqualified because she used to be a dude. They should have totally let her participate in the pageant. It is the Miss Universe Pageant after all, we already look bad to all the other planets out there because we only let human beings participate in it, and if we continue to be closed-minded about who we let into our pageants we will never get any blue-skinned space babes strutting around in bikinis on the Miss Universe stage. Not to mention, Miss Canada is still pretty hot for an ex-dude. I just found out that the Miss Universe people smartened up and decided to let her participate, I guess they aren’t such an embarrassment after all.

Admit it, you would hit it, and then pretend like you didn't know she was a dude, and then pretend that the whole fact that she used to be a guy didn't totally turn you on even more.

*Notice that I made no reference to the fact that her name is Jenna Talackova, which vaguely sounds like the word genitalia.

I just came up with a brilliant idea, if you combined the two stories you would have a pretty awesome movie. Instead of a plane being infested with poisonous snakes, it could be infested with dismembered penises from men who have had sex changes that come to life and start attacking people on a commercial air liner. It would be called Trouser Snakes On A Plane and it may or may not be a porno. The plane would be full of transgendered supermodels who are under attack by their disembodied penises that are angry at them for having them removed. I totally need to get started on the screen play, but I can guarantee you that within the first 15 minutes of the movie there will be a scene where about 2o penises jump down a woman’s throat effectively suffocating her, and our protagonist will make a comment about there being “a whole definition of the term deep throat” then he will state how he has “had it with these motherfucking penises on this motherfucking plane”. This is going to make millions.