The True Meaning Of Easter

The true meaning of Easter has been lost over the years. Millions of people celebrate it every year but nobody seems to remember what Easter really is about, especially me. Here is what I can piece together for you out of my shady memories and after a few beers…

Easter is about the Easter Bunny who was born in a manger to a virgin mother. Then he grew up…

On the 3rd day Peter Cottontail hopped down the bunny trail. Going Hippitty Hoppitty, Hippity Hoppity, Easter's on it's way.


But then Peter Cottontail was nailed to a lower case t and was crucified for our sins and he died.

"I will come back from the dead and make you all pay!" He said.


And then he did just that…

He rose from his grave during the resurrection and boy was he pissed!


He then came out of the ground as a zombie and attacked all the chickens and ducks in the area and stole their unborn children.

He then dipped their eggs in vinegar and toxic food coloring, effectively killing them and turning their shells bright colors. We continue this tradition today to show those poultry bastards who's boss.


We celebrate Easter and color and eat the unborn fetuses of chickens to appease the Easter Bunny and keep him from returning from the grave and stealing our children, something something Jesus. The End.