As promised, it is time for thedingleberry.net’s review Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horrors. This is a gem from 2006 that seems to have fallen under my radar until I found it in the $5 bin yesterday, and as I was quite aware at the time, this DVD was horribly overpriced. This movie was so mind-numbingly idiotic that I don’t even know where to begin, so I guess I will begin with the beginning. ..
As you can see by the cover the cast is totally mismatched, you have a couple good actors who should know better next to people that have no acting ability whatsoever. Seriously, Winston from Ghostbusters, Billy Dee Williams, a pro wrestler, a Baywatch actress, and a bunch of soap opera actors together in the same movie. WTF? Plus the DVD actually comes with a booklet containing character biographies including a midget in a pimp outfit that projectile vomits and is also a demon.
Anyway, the credits start out with an anime version of Snoop Dogg that doesn’t look remotely like Snoop Dogg that accidentally kills his sister and commits suicide in front of a demon in order for her to live, which also turns him into a demonic storyteller who is also the narrator. He is kind of like the Cryptkeeper if he smoked a lot of pot.
Next, there are 3 short stories about tales of morality that are filled with lots of blood and bad acting. The first story revolves around a female graffiti artist who gets into an argument with some gangbangers, then is kidnapped by Danny Trejo in one of the worst roles of his career. Now, you may or may not be familiar with Danny Trejo, he is a big Mexican guy who has been in a lot of Quentin Tarrantino and Robert Rodiguez movies, he usually pretty badass. In this movie he is some kind of witch doctor that gives the girl a tattoo that gives her the magical power of being able to kill anyone just by crossing out their graffiti tags. Lamest superpower ever? Anyway, she crosses out one of the gangbanger’s graffiti tags and he accidentally shoots off his own penis after trying to rape a prostitute. She crosses out another guys name and he impales himself on a 40 after robbing a liquor store, this was probably the highlight of the movie. The grieving families of the gangbangers then go crying to Billy Dee Williams who is in this movie for no apparent reason, then Danny Trejo takes the girls powers away because she’s abusing them and then the zombie corpses of her victims jam a spray paint bottle into her brain and paint a mural with her blood. It really made no sense whatsoever.
And it just continues to get worse. The second scene has Brande Roderick and her redneck boyfriend inherit a homeless shelter for veterans. This segment was particularly horrible because the rednecks were horribly overracting to the point of being over-the-top unrealistic and annoying. While the people playing the elderly veterans were actually decent actors such as Ernie Hudson (Winston from Ghostbusters). They made the veterans basically act like their slaves, they took over their bedrooms, killed their nurse, and let one of them die from neglect. The veterans then teamed up and disembowled Brande Roderick with a vacuum cleaner after force feeding her caviar, then had her chihuahua eat her intestines.
And the third story was about a rapper who got an ego and had his rapping partner murdered. Then his partner came back as a demon backstage at an award show and framed him for murder. This was probably the best story out of the three, but that isn’t really saying much. It’s kind of like if you have diarrhea 3 times in a row, but the third time your diarrhea doesn’t have blood in it. This last story is like diarrhea without blood in it, it’s better than the last 2 times you had diarrhea but it is still a large runny steamy pile of shit. Plus professional wrestler Diamond Dallas Page gets his eyes gouged out and there is a statutory rape scene, so it is still pretty poor on the entertainment list.
And then there is rap video at the end starring Snoop Dogg, his midget friend, and the slutty vampires being slutty.