The Akron Zips Promote BDSM, Kids Are Evil

Last week The Mrs. talked me into volunteering at a college baseball game for her work/charity. It was a game between the Akron Zips and the Kent State Golden Flashes. Here are some pictures of Akron University’s inflatable mascot, it is supposed to be a kangaroo, I guess zips are kangaroos? As you can clearly see he has ropes attached to his nipples which are keeping him tethered to the ground, kinky.

Also notice the huge grin on his face showing that he is totally content with having ropes clamped to his nipples and being forcibly restrained in one place.

 

Here is a close-up of his upper half where you can totally see that they intentionally placed the ropes directly onto his nipples. This was pretty inappropriate for a “kids day” event. I love it!

On a related note, the Kent State mascot, the Golden Flash, which is apparently some kind of eagle, was also tethered to the ground by it’s nipples. There must have been a discount at the giant inflatable animal BDSM store. I didn’t take a picture of it though since I went to Kent State and don’t wish to be humiliated any further, especially since I have 2 degrees from there which turned out to be about as useful as a third nipple without any ropes attached to it.

I also made sure to point out that both of the mascots were chained to the ground by their nipples loudly in front of children and their parents, because that’s how I roll.

Anyway, The Mrs. and I got put in charge of overseeing the inflatable bouncy house next to Captain Bondage Kangaroo. The bouncy house was put up by the University of Akron but nobody stayed behind to actually watch it so that’s why we got stuck doing it. Just to make sure that no kids were accidentally injured or killed or anything. I am sure that watching over other people’s kids while not getting paid for it is one of the seven stages of hell, by the way. Hoards of these little bastards kept showing up unsupervised and trying to wrestle and get inside with their shoes on, take running jumps into the bouncy house, etc. God forbid they read the rules posted outside the bouncy house in big letters. So we had to keep yelling at them the whole fucking time, because apparently kids these days have no idea how to behave in public and completely lack parental supervision. After about an hour and a half of this, we left our volunteer duties and went home solidified in our choice to never have kids of our own.

2 comments on “The Akron Zips Promote BDSM, Kids Are Evil

  1. Being a cat parent is plenty challenging. They are children who never grow up! As for the real kids, I’ve witnessed teachers screaming at 2nd through 5th graders during lunch to do something like stand in line. Seems like it just bounces off their heads, having to be reminded to do the same task daily.

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