More Information About The Guy With The Crazy Hair From Ancient Aliens Than You Ever Wanted To Know

Yesterday The Mrs. and I were watching Ancient Aliens on the History Channel. If you have ever seen the show you probably instantly think of Giorgio Tsoukalos, one of the experts featured on the show who has the most awesome hairdo that ever existed:

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Then I started wondering how does one actually become an expert on ancient aliens? So I started to do some research and apparently he started out as a professional bodybuilding promoter, WTF?! Really, he was a successful promoter in the bodybuilding field for many years and was actually pretty normal looking:

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Here he is clean shaven with normal hair next to Arnold Schwarzenegger. What happened?

This got me thinking, one of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first movies was Predator, where he was a marine under attack by…an Alien!! Now it all makes sense!  Everything seems to have changed for Giorgio after this. He dropped out of the professional bodybuilding world and started publishing Legendary Times Magazine which is a magazine all about ancient aliens.

He may or may not also be a part time pimp from the 70's.

He may or may not also be a part time pimp from the 70’s.

He also is director of  of the Center for Ancient Astronaut Research and is a co producer of Ancient Aliens on the History Channel. No information is actually known why or how he became an expert on ancient aliens, but it probably involved smoking a lot of pot. The pictures of him wearing a suit with the haircut are pretty hilarious, but when in street clothes he looks almost normal with that hair. However I think that the hair is part of his fame.

With normal hair he is just some dude in a suit talking about aliens.

With normal hair he is just some dude in a suit talking about aliens.

But add the crazy hair…

Totally undisputed alien expert motherfucker!!

Totally believable undisputed alien expert motherfuckers!!

And here he is dressed up like Indiana Jones for some reason, if you are a female I am 99% sure if you stare at this picture for more than 60 seconds you will magically become pregnant.

And here he is dressed up like Indiana Jones for some reason, I am just going to let the sheer awesomeness of this picture set in for a few seconds. If you are a female I am 99% sure if you stare at this picture for more than 60 seconds you will magically become pregnant.

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He also appears to have custom made t-shirts with his face on them that say Tsoukalicious on them. Is it too late to ask for one of these for Christmas? Few people can rock that hairdo, a beaded necklace, and a scarf while wearing a t-shirt with their own picture on it, but Giorgio you sure do, and for that I salute you.

I don’t care if you believe that ancient astronauts killed the dinosaurs and repopulated the Earth and visited our planet to have sex with our women and mutilate our cows and build pyramids in shit. (All of that stuff TOTALLY happened by the way) But you have to agree that Giorgio Tsoukalos is the Casanova of Alien experts on the History Channel. 

Damn straight!

Damn straight!

22 comments on “More Information About The Guy With The Crazy Hair From Ancient Aliens Than You Ever Wanted To Know

  1. Freaking crazy..priceless. Im inspired to give myself a long greek name and stand my frizzy hair on end too. He reminds me of one of my best friends from high school who never graduated college yet bullshitter her way into a career working for a pharmaceutical company making $36 an hour plus trips around the country to promote drugs.
    My day started out shitty, but u just cheered me up with this laugh..thanks

  2. This is what happened when they took away freakshows.

    On a side note, remember when the history channel showed documentaries and shows on history?

    Pretty sure that this guy either had a stroke and refuses to get help or is a higher-function mongoloid, btb.

  3. haaahah, I just looked this dude up for the same reason right now after watching with the husbo and found your article. WTF??!? hhahah love it. I love all the theories as fiction.

  4. Until someone proves him wrong he has valid points to make :-) So I guess he’ll be around for a few more years yet (damn it) … I’m all for believing in crazy and wild history plots. But my colleague at work occasionally has Giorgio as a desktop saying, “I didn’t quite hear your question, but the answer is Aliens!”
    For me he is a celebrity, with no major credentials in alien history… But what the heck he makes me smile :-)

  5. my goodness, like two weeks ago my wife and I watched some show on the history of the universe as such. and there was some expert who had a ginger/red haired beard and hair and freaking huge tunnels in his ears. I thought then, sweet mother of mercy what is this?!?! I mean, is this even for real, is this guy some serious subject matter expert in this space or is he an actor? and if the latter, then how comes it’s legal?

  6. Regarding your final caption, “Damn straight!”, someone has to say it :

    not likely

    Seriously, “the human hairball” has to be one of the “fabulous” with the hair and the flamboyant offscreen fashions. If so, he should be permanently anointed the cosmic crown head of homos. He is just that quintessentially queer, and bless him for it. Now that I finished brown-nosing Mr.”Aliens!”, he should send me one of his Tsoukalicious shirts.

  7. Pingback: Conspiracy Theories | Consequences of Thought

  8. After all these years, why can’t this douche say “extraterrestrials” correctly?

    He says it almost every other sentence, and never pronounces it correctly…..

    It’s hard to take him seriously, when he sounds like a moron on a subject where he expects us to believe he is an “expert”…..

  9. I have a pic of myself back in the day with my hair looking just like that…and yes l was indulging in the good herbs of the earth.You gotta give it to him…the man has class and l am a firm believer it the TRUTHS and OPINIONS of this program.I’d like to meet and exchange ideas with this brother.

  10. Hey Dingle……I TOTALLY agree with ALL you said from “But add the crazy hair…” through “Casanova of alien experts”.

  11. I used to see that meme a bit and thought it was a scene from Babylon 5. One of the episodes featuring ISN. He looks like a Centauri.

  12. Our HUGE family adores Giorgio, he brings a smile to our face everytime he exclaims…..”And I say, YES!!”. Super hair, plus fashion statement, unforgettable! Is flamboyant G. gay? Love you, Giorgio!

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