Creepy Hats and Ikea Feels The Need To Explain The Difference Between Urination and Bowel Movements

A few weeks ago I went to World Market and saw this really creepy hat. I took a picture of it with my phone but unfortunately the picture was lost, however there was a picture on their website so I can still share it with you.

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I have seen plenty of these hats in various stores and on people’s heads. Usually I find them somewhat cute. But this one is by far the creepiest I have seen. I thought maybe it was a fluke, but every one of the hats in the store look the same. They all have the raccoon giving the death stare like it is infested full of rabies and wants to chew your face off.

I have seen this look on a raccoon’s face before, it is the look that Mr. Rabies, the raccoon that lives in the dumpster at my apartment complex, gives me whenever I throw something away in the middle of the night. IT scares the crap out of me every time to the point where I throw the garbage in the dumpster then run away to my apartment and close my door and lock it like raccoons are capable of opening doors. I know it probably isn’t the same raccoon since I have seen it multiple times in the passed couple years. I am pretty sure at least one or two of the original Mr. Rabies have been crushed inside the garbage truck and had their decaying corpses tossed into the landfill and are mixed in with the rest of the garbage where they will rot for all eternity. But they keep showing up and I am pretty sure they all share the same fate, this hat should be thrown into the dumpster and crushed and put in a landfill as well, preferably mixed in with a pile of rabid raccoon corpses.

Today, I went to Ikea, sadly I did not purchase any furniture that required assembly by following a bunch of nonsensical instructions. Although I did buy some things with weird made-up sounding Swedish names. But the most interesting thing I saw was in the bathroom. They have a water saving toilet with a dual-function handle. But what baffles me is the instructions:

Dual-Flush-toilet-sign

Yes, they actually explain that a #1 is liquid waste and a #2 is solid waste. Who doesn’t know this? Anyone that doesn’t already know that probably also doesn’t understand which way to push the handle. Also the diagram kind of looks like a penis and if you can’t read English, it appears that it wants you to continuously wiggle your penis up and down while water drops on it. I prefer to do this in the privacy of my own bathroom and not in the public bathroom of a Swedish furniture store. At least it is coated to protect against germs.

One comment on “Creepy Hats and Ikea Feels The Need To Explain The Difference Between Urination and Bowel Movements

  1. My husband says the hat might be worn in a fit of drunkeness. Does Mr. Rabies have any possum bros? They are trash pickers too. The toilet handle reminds me of the rotating plastic wrapped toilet seats you find in public bathrooms. How can you know for sure the same piece of plastic isn’t bein used over and over?

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