The Dingleberry Reviews Last Night’s Vampire Diaries

The 3rd season of The Vampire Diaries was on last night and it was a little disappointing. It showcased the best parts of the show but also the worst.

For those of you who have never seen the show, it is about a girl named Elena who’s boyfriend is a vampire named Stefan. Anyway, last season Stefan left town in order to save his vampire brother’s life. Doing so he agreed to be Klaus’s slave. Klaus is a half vampire/half werewolf hybrid who looks like he belongs in an Old Navy commercial, I know they made him good looking for all the teenage girls but they could have picked someone scarier looking to play the main villain. Here is another thing I didn’t like: Stefan agreed to be Klaus’s slave but there seems to be no real purpose of the agreement. Apparently vampire-werewolf hybrids can’t be killed so it makes no sense for him to even need to have Stefan hanging around, and all that he ever does is make Stefan kill people. It doesn’t make any sense!

Anyway, it is nice to see Stefan not acting like a total pansy for a change, he was pretty creepy in this episode but he still has his 1950’s greaser hairdo and only has one facial expression, oh well. It turns out that Stefan doesn’t just drink his victim’s blood, ┬áhe likes to dismember them and rip them into little pieces then he puts the pieces back together again like some kind of jigsaw puzzle from hell and positions the body to look like it’s alive and in one piece. His human girlfriend still loves him after this too, how sweet! Anyway, his brother, Damon finds one of the bodies and touches it and it’s head falls off and rolls around on the floor, that was kind of gross.

Speaking of Damon, he just acted like a total moron in this episode. He is still hanging around with his news reporter “girlfriend” who he has hypnotized with his vampire magic and just keeps her around so that he can sleep with her and drink her blood. But Stefan came to town and kills her for some reason, which was good because she was annoying. But he also intentionally made his brother’s girlfriend catch him naked, so he went back to being kind of awesome again.

This episode was actually kind of stupid, I hope the season gets better. Elena’s brother who died and came back to life via magic is seeing ghosts of characters that were needlessly killed off during season 1 and 2, probably because the writers realized they killed off some good characters and left some really crappy ones behind *cough* Matt *cough*. Only bad part is, they just kind of stand around staring at him like they are suffering. They really have killed off a lot of people on this show and nobody really seems to care. They just go on have stupid dances and parties, there was even a party in this episode! There was a party because it is Elena’s birthday and she just turned 18. Wait, so that means she would have been 16 in season 1? Her boyfriend is a 150+ year old vampire who has been sleeping with a minor for the past 2 years, talk about an age difference or borderline pedophilia. That is actually kind of disturbing, especially since Damon also has been trying to get in her pants and the actor that plays him is pushing 30.

Nothing else really exciting happened in this episode. The blonde bimbo, Caroline and the gap model turned werewolf whose name I can’t even remember had some TV-14 rated sex with their underpants on and then his mom shot her with a crossbow full of vampire tranquilizers and that was the end of the episode.

Wow, this season isn’t looking very good, which is sad because I really liked this show last season.