Adventures In Pittsburgh And Dead Rats

Today the Mrs. and I went on a road trip to Pittsburgh. First, we went to the National Aviary and saw a bunch of birds. I got to feed nectar to a bunch of Lories and they perched on me and molested me until they ate all of it.

There was one attacked my head at one point but unfortunately we didn't get a picture of it. They were also literally shitting everywhere!

Next, I got to take a peek into the kitchen to see what they were cooking up. Plates full of dead rats, yummy! I am not sure if this was a kitchen for the birds or if I need to report them to the Health Department.

Kind of reminds me of that Disney cartoon Ratatouille, except totally fucked up.

After I finished being completely disturbed, I went to visit the penguin exhibit. There was even a penguin named Patrick, hey that’s my name!

I finally met my penguin doppelganger.

So naturally, I had to crawl through a tube to get my picture taken next to him. I don’t crawl through no tubes for any ordinary penguins.

Simon, the penguin totally forced his way into the picture.

After we got bored with the aviary, we went to the Phipps Conservatory to look at a bunch of plants. Here is a picture of me standing next to a coffee tree.


I totally didn't eat a coffee plant when nobody was looking, I swear!

After that we looked at more plants and crap and I licked a cactus.

I do not recommend trying this at home, unless you a complete moron then knock your self out.

After the conservatory we went to Ikea and bought a bed and some other conveniently priced Swedish products with nonsensical instructions. Then we went to a weird costume store called Masquerade. It had a lot of your typical Halloween costumes and some really creepy Michael Jackson masks.

The really weird part is, they weren't labeled as Michael Jackson masks, they were called "Plastic Man" masks. Also, they were creepy as shit.

Next we went to Cracker Barrel and dined with a bunch of old people then drove home. We spent the next 2-3 hours assembling our Ikea bed. This was a pretty big deal, because we have not had an actual bed since 2008. We have been sleeping on a mattress and box springs laying on the bare floor for the last 4 years. Assembling the bed took longer than it probably should because Ikea doesn’t like to print words on their instruction manual, they just have a bunch of poorly drawn diagrams and you have to kind of guess how to assemble things correctly. However, it turned out pretty well in the end.

Luckily it turned out a lot better than the last bed that I put together. Probably because the Mrs. mainly put it together. Last time I put the bed together backwards and it fell apart.

The bed frame had these little flimsy metal support beams, luckily we forked out a few extra dollars and bought the optional wooden slats which made it 10 times sturdier.

I don't know why these things were optional instead of part of the package, they seemed pretty necessary to me.

After putting the bed together we found out that our piece of crap wireless router stopped working and had to run out and buy a new one at 9:30 pm just so I could finish blogging. Expect a full out rant on wireless routers sometime tomorrow…